What does it mean to RESPECT others?

Respect has been a topic that has perplexed me for a long time. It is one of those qualities that is most easier said than done. When we were growing up, this word was implied or thrown at us as if it was obvious that everyone should know what to do when it comes to respect. Throughout my corporate life, I have found this to be one of the most difficult qualities to grasp or develop. It calls for something deep within oneself and immense honesty to admitting how much of it do we truly have. Most people don’t want to face up to it when tested; and every day and every moment of our life especially when it comes to dealing with people, we are constantly tested. For many of us, we probably even shut that voice within us that tells us when there is an absence of respect towards others.

Respect is an attitude. Respect is a critical ingredient to success. Respect is more than just not letting someone “lose face” according to oriental cultures.

What is respect?

It means to have a regard for other peoples’ feelings, listening to people and hearing them, i.e. giving them one’s full attention. Even more importantly, respect means treating one with dignity. Respect is the opposite of humiliation and contempt.  As William Ury writes in his book The Third Side: “Human beings have a host of emotional needs- for love and recognition, for belonging and identity, for purpose and meaning to lives. If all these needs had to be subsumed in one word, it might be respect”.

Respect is the first positive step in building a relationship and minimising conflict.

How can respect be created?

1. It is created when people treat others as they want to be treated. This brings us to the famous quotation from the Bible. “Do unto others as you would others do unto you”. This also brings the element of circularity to it. That is, things are connected and in relationship. So the growth of something, such as respect, often nourishes itself from its own process and dynamics[8]. Be the first to accord respect, and with time, it will develop amongst all the conflicting parties.
2. Avoid insulting people or their culture; instead try to understand them. Many disastrous interactions are characterized by attitudes such as arrogance, disdain, fear of difference, etc.
3. Be courteous. Listen to what others have to say. Treat people fairly. All the basic elements “that we learned in Kindergarten” will go a long way to creating an atmosphere of trust and respect.
4. Apart from the above, when already involved in a conflict, ‘separating the people from the problem’ also allows one to treat the other side with honor. Recognizing that the issue is the problem at hand and not the people can also help create respect.

If your goal is to be a better person, then respect is one important aspect to be developed.

 

What about you can you trademark?

People who know me knows big dramatic rings are my trademark and I wear it on my index finger.

In my prior corporate life, I was known for my no-nonsense and no-hostage attitude. I was not corruptable and I will not bow to CEOs who do not lead with a heart and blatantly treat people sub-humanly.

In my much younger days, I was known for my joie de vivre. That then turned into passion and inspiration. Companies are attracted to my passion for my work and for the companies’ cause. Friends and acquaintances feel inspired by the passion with which I have lived my life. The common comment was I know what I want. The truth is I just simply go for what makes me happy, what energizes me and move away from what drains me, whatever that constitutes negative energy. I can safely say I get everything I want. I visualize what I want and they really show up. It does take work of course but since one of the principles I have always lived upon is that of hard work gets paid off then what I visualize and the work it takes to realize the vision go hand in hand rather naturally.

While some people suggest that you live your life the way you want to be remembered at your funeral, I second that and on top of that I chose at an early age to make something of me such that my mother would not have to regret having given birth to me.

What do you stand for? What is that mark that distinguishes you?

What is success to me?

I received a call from a journalist today which prompted me to ask what do I value more important than success.

What is success to me anyway?

Success is not the number of properties, or the brand of car, or whether or not I have an iphone or an ipad or which brand of handbag I carry. Success is not how many millions I have in the bank or the title I bear at a corporation.

Success is versatility to do what I want to do when I want to do it. (Choice)

Success is when people trust me to be good at doing  something I have never done before. (Credibility)

Success is knowing you are a better person today than yesterday. (Growth)

Success is when you have touched others’ lives and you are surrounded with people you can count on. (Inspiration)

Success is when I have found the love of my life and I mean so much to him. (Fulfilment)

Success is standing by your principles and people respect you for that.

What is success to you?

Obama at The View

Talk about personal branding,  President Obama gains female cheers with women at the show, The View, when he mentions he was there because he was trying to find a program his wife actually watches.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100729/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_obama_the_view

Why personal branding?

What will it do  for me?

We live in a society of brands. Brands set themselves apart from the mass.

Figure out your personal brand and

- you will figure out your purpose, goal and align them with your passions and values

- you will be more aware of your style which includes what you wear, what you do and how you do things, what you say and how you say it

- your goals and values will guide your decisions

- you will attract more opportunities and clients/partners

- you will be recognised for your competencies and skills

- you will influence and/or inspire others

- you are more in control of  your roadmap to personal and professional success

- you will be more confident

With the evolution of the internet, mobile and social media, information is truly more available at your fingertips and this does not only apply to products but also to individuals. So whether you are looking for your next job, or you are eyeing to advance yourself, or you are an entrepreneur, a sales person or you are in a leadership role in your company or you are a parent, regardless of age and gender, take control of your brand or someone else will be doing it for you.

Impression management

I stumbled across this term “impression management” which probably has a good connection in meaning with personal branding.

According to wikipedia, “impression management is a goal-directed conscious or unconscious process in which people attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event; they do so by regulating and controlling information of social interaction.

Impression management theory states that there are 3 motives underlying someone’s self-presentation:

First is ingratiation. We display our best side for others to like us.

Second is intimidation. We show we are angry to get others to listen and obey us.

Third is supplication. We try to be vulnerable and sad so that people will sympathize or empathize with us.

How true it is for us to slip into these entrappings intermittently. Not surprisingly, much of our behavior is governed by cultural norms or a reaction when we know we are being monitored and by whom we are monitored. These days the medium of communication is a key factor influencing our reactions to a social situation as well – whether it is communicated face-to-face or over email, IM or SMS. A good point to remember in the context of personal branding is to manifest behavior that is consistent with one’s goal. It is this consistency that overarches all the elements in the making or maintenance of an impression.

Why am I promoting Personal Branding?

Looking back, my first encounter with “personal branding” was when I read Al Ries & Jack Trout, Positioning, The Battle for Your Mind but the terminology “personal branding” had not been coined yet.

Although the book was talking about product brands vying for a position in the mind of the consumer and the impact of first mover’s advantage, I associated it to a person. I believed that for me to stand out, I came up with a way to position myself. In those days, there were no email (there was cc:mail), no blogs, no facebook. So one small gesture I did when I was working in the largest computer company in Taiwan was make copies of important articles of key product, technology or market trends and left them on the desks of all important executives and managers on Sundays (I worked 7 days a week then). So when everyone reports to work on Monday of each week, it was my papers they first see on their desk. Again, people did not rush to their terminals first thing in the morning in those days since the terminals were basically green or yellow text screens (not interesting). This was one of my ways of staying top of mind every week of the year.

The above is a primitive example in the early days of my career. Today there are a lot more means. Take advantage of them to manifest your true value.